All conflict situations are affected dynamically by multiple influences. These are some of the aspects that shape how the conflict has developed:
“Neutral Enquiry”
The possibility of transforming the situation you face depends on the coach accurately and specifically helping to lay out in detail all the influences that you face in your situation, which aren’t always obvious, so that you can make decisions and choices based on a new clarity and transparency.
One of the strongest ways of achieving this is for the coach to ask questions that are in differentiated enough detail that show more accurately what you face in your particular circumstances.
‘…Honestly, Caroline…..in 20+ years working in mental health, I can count on one hand the professionals I’ve met who are as skilled as you are…thank you so much…’
The questions I ask should feel encouraging, curious and rooted in respect for your experiences and your thoughts. They will encompass everything you encounter about the situation. They can cause you to observe far more detail about your thoughts and observations than you have previously, so they could feel like aspects about the conflict that feel so much clearer, and show you where the conflict has got ‘stuck’.
Without exception, this kind of neutral inquiry reveals new information, new clarity, about the circumstances you face. People often say to me that it was in considering the information from answering certain questions that created a pivotal part towards beginning to change the situation, because it reveals so much of what is happening in the conflict.
It’s often at this time that it becomes much clearer what it is that is keeping the particular situation unchanged or ‘stuck’ and options to change that begin to emerge. I explore with you the possible impact of any ideas or choices with you so that you make any decisions about your situation with clarity and confidence.
‘…I was convinced she was trying to control me, which she was! But I hadn’t realised that it’s not what she wanted and that i could change it…I was scared we would always be stuck like this. Thank you for giving me my daughter back!…’
I want your experience of coaching to be free of another person’s evaluations. Change and progress is created by a greater understanding of your situation, not by assessments.
In this way, conflict coaching is entirely distinct from therapy, advocacy, counselling or advice-giving. I work with you to re establish your own competence, clarity and strength, in what is happening now, and what you’d like to change.